Sunday, September 5, 2010

Talk It Out

Ya know how sometimes you just need to exhale words in large quantities to make life feel a little bit less heavy?

That was your warning.

My things to do list is taking over. Big things to do.  Not just "vacuum your room, Cole" --though that is on the list-- but rather things like, "fill out 10 page Pioneers formal application," and, "construct a list of people to send a support letter to, so I can start raising funds for a trip to India that's possibly happening in, oh, 4 months."  Other thing on the list include:

-graduating from college, which means

-muscling through one last semester of papers and exams while retaining some ounce of sanity

-doing lay counseling at my church, which requires being prayerfully and mentally prepared for each session--no exceptions

-planning a mission trip to India so I can answer God's call

-praying feverishly for peace about whatever comes AFTER graduation (please don't ask.  I have no idea.  I'm leaving it in God's capable hands, and that's a trust that doesn't come naturally to me).

I'm one of those people that can get stuff done, but when there's a whole lot of big stuff that is hovering over me, I start to shut down.  I get overwhelmed by the seemingly insurmountable obstacles stopping me up and all I want to do is curl into the fetal position.

Fun fact--not much gets done when one is in the fetal position.

And I don't have to literally be in the fetal position to be doing some really impressive avoiding.  In fact, I can seem to be very high functioning, going through all the daily movements that are necessary.  But often I'm ignoring the bigger, more important things on that "to do" list.  Because thinking about it all feels like too much, and I can't imagine it all getting done with the right amount of attention and care given to each element as is due.

It's a pretty dumb cycle.  It only serves to make me even more behind or pressed for time on those really important things.

Even my writing gets cyclical.

Gets cyclical even my writing.

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