Looking Back: A Year Ago Today

I just, for curiosity's sake, looked through my blog archives to see if I made a July 4th post last year.

I did.

I was in a hostel in San Francisco, and it was one of the most memorable, heart-aching, miserable days that I've ever had.

Not that I was willing to admit that--to myself, much less my blog-readers--at the time.  I was determined to be positive (possibly because I knew that I had a solid 5 or 6 days left on the trip with my then-boyfriend, and having a bad attitude was only going to make those days icky).

Journal excerpt from July 5, 2010:

"Things took a southerly turn yesterday.  Like, I had him pull over so I could get out just to get away.  My feelings on the whole ordeal: if something isn't changed/mended, this isn't going to work.  I cannot handle feeling like that.  And especially at the hand of the person I care about the most.  Ignoring it and hoping it fixes itself is not going to happen.  I WANT this to get worked out because I adore this man.  I don't want "forever" to be a painful idea.  I want to trust him to take care of my feelings even when we argue.  Because arguments are only going to get more serious, and I should not be afraid of the man I love, even/especially when we're arguing."

Reading that again is difficult for me.  We continued to date for 5 and a half-ish more months, while still arguing about the same thing, never really making much headway.

What were we arguing about?

I felt that he wasn't hearing me or acknowledging me as one that he cared about.  It's hard to move past that when it's proven frequently, often during the discussion of the topic itself.  Eventually, in an effort to mend the unraveling relationship, I convinced myself that he was right--that I was being plenty heard and acknowledged.  That I deserved nothing more from him.  That it was a problem with myself that I needed to work on.  I later realized that that was not true, and that thinking in that way had legitimately messed with my head. 

He didn't do it intentionally.  He didn't want to be doing it.  He just didn't know how not to.  He's a good man.  He's just not good for me.  And it took me too long to see the difference.

I'm thankful for the situation because it showed me how much I can take (I had no idea that I was so strong before that), and it helps me to recognize the beauty in being treated as a beloved equal.  I will never take that for granted again, I assure you.

How To Spend One's Fourth

1. Find out, albeit kindly, that you need to find somewhere else to live starting August 1.

2.  Mope, whine, throw a general one-man-pity-party.

3.  Get over that mess and go watch about 4 episodes of bad acting (ex: Army Wives).

4.  Get over that, too, and finally take a shower and start a load of laundry.

5.  Laundry X 3

6.  Go to your bf's house and water the plants and feed the cats, love on the cats, and generally suck up to the cats since bf and his sweet mama are out of the country.

7.  Take advantage of being at this bf's house and read a good book in a hammock for an hour and a half.

8.  Again, take advantage of being at said bf's house and continue reading in the "cold tub" (hot tub minus heat).

9.  Try to avoid being completely devoured by mosquitoes (I'm not good at this one).

10.  Come home and enjoy a glass of red wine with strawberries and yogurt while watching Modern Times with Charlie Chaplin.  Proceed directly to sleep, or pause for a moment to blog about the day while listening to Regina Spektor.

Whoa... Moment of Shock at Time

I've had this blog going for over a year.

This is probably something I should be more aware of, since I started it in April of '10 and it's now July of '11, but no...  I had no idea that it had been going on that long!!

I blogged without telling anyone for a month when I got this thing started.  I wanted to be comfortable with it, and I didn't want "readers" to have to go through the baby steps and growth pains with me.  You know, the dorky, "well... I've started a blog... don't really know what to say yet..." bit there at the beginning.

Also, I had to figure out who my audience was.  I didn't quite learn that one in time, as there was a near mishap with a professor finding out about my blog from my big mouth, and I had to run--in heels and a dress--to the nearest computer to delete the posts that I'd written in his class before he could figure out how to spell "idiosyncrasies."  Thankfully, there was a post about poop to get through before hitting the post in question, and what male doesn't pause to read a post about poop?

Let it be known that I was in the middle of finals week when I wrote that post about bodily waste, and I'm going to blame that somewhat poor choice on the known desperate need for stupid body humor to relieve some of the stresses of spring semester finals.  Also, I was still a blogging noob at the time.  I have no excuses for this post, though.  Except that Dooce and Hyperbole and a Half were heavily influencing me at the time--thus the animation.

I'm still just ridiculously floored that it has been OVER a year since I started this blog.

Thank you for reading :)  If you didn't, I would have no reason to have continued!  I've got a journal for that kind of reader-less writing!  This is for you!

Speaking of...  Questions, comments, or suggestions for the future of Brilliant Idiosyncrasies?

Terrific Tuesday!

Ok, so the thing that I've gone to bed thinking about and talked about and giggled about and planned for is finally happening on Tuesday.

JANE IS COMING TO FORT WORTH!

My rock-awesome little sister and I are going to get 6 days of legit, just us, gals on the town, hangout time.  Something we haven't had in years.

And now she's 15, so we can connect a little better than we could than when she was 9 and I was 16.  Amazing how you can actually feel the age gap shrinking as the years pass...  I started journaling when I was 15, so I have tangible records of the [ridiculous] things I was thinking and feeling at the time.  I didn't think much, but I felt A LOT.  She's got a much better head on her shoulders.  I'm very serious about that.

Though I may have a different report after hanging out with her for a week ;)

OK!  So here's where the fun stuff starts.  WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO??

I'm thinking Six Flags.  That's pretty much the big ticket item that I'm pulling for.  I've never been (which is craziness) and what better way to love on a sister than putting her in a machine that will hoist her up in the air and back down again faster than you can say "bonding time!"

Also, there's a modern dance show at The Modern [art museum], and we both did the dance thing in high school, so that could be fun.  Though I doubt they'll be doing jr high dance team numbers...  I'm thinking more Martha Graham.  Which could be even MORE fun.

Needless to say, I'm REALLY READY FOR TUESDAY to roll around.  Jared leaves the country tomorrow, which is a bummer, but then Jane comes, so...  I mean...  Love you... But next week is gonna be stinkin fun :) Thankfully, Jared and Jane overlap by about 36 hours! 

And then Jane and I road trip to MS together, and I will FINALLY get to meet THIS LITTLE GUY!




I'm almost as excited to meet Wiley as I am for Jane to come to TX.  This is huge, obviously.

Later days!  (and hopefully good quality pictures from our adventures! Hint hint, mom!)