I'm alive!

I'm just consumed with things like problematic defiance, criminological verstehen, and Marxist principals of alienation.

It's paper and exam week.

Amazing how hard it is to be all into studying when a) the end is in sight and b) my classes are actually encouraging me to consider how pointless some of these assignments are. Cough cough my social theory class that teaches me things like labor for the sake of earning good grades does nothing to improve my quality life cough cough.

But being fully rested and spending QT with the bf makes me feel pretty good about life. So does playing with babies at church and riding my bike on days like today, only not up hills. So does the idea of pumpkin bread mix hanging out in my pantry, just waiting on me to join it with some water, oil, and eggs.

Oxford commas make me feel pretty good about life too.

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Beach

This is crazy loverly out here. I'm so glad that the gentleman callers came with me to this beach wedding. It's quite romantic and stuff. And I got to arrange flowers which legitimately put me in my happy place.

Ya know how people are more attracted to different elements? mine is water. Without a doubt.

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This is how the kitteh wakes me in the mornings:

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Sigh... Touche, facebook.

So, one thing that I've reluctantly missed about facebook these past few days is that it offers is a mite of advertising for my blog.  Without facebook to give it some visibility, I'd still be on that lonely island which is no fun at all.  The blogger stats tell me that almost every viewer navigates to my page from facebook.  Knowing that, this blog feels more like an extension of my facebook page than an extension of me.

Eeee...

Please, dear reader, don't see it like that.  The two exist independently of one another.  One just helps to advertise for the other! :)

Also, the bride of the wedding I'll be enjoying this coming weekend is probably going to kill my professor for suggesting the "no facebook for 5 days" thing, since she's apparently been trying to contact me on there for about 4 days.  Ooop!  Shoulda called!

If ya liked it then ya shoulda put a ring on it!

It felt applicable.

I stepped in cat [you don't want to know] this morning.  Fun fact, it's the exact same color as my light brown shag carpet.  Thanks for that, @war% Realtors (protecting their identity).

That whole ordeal set my day off on the wrong foot.

Which I then had to scrub in the bathtub.

On my lunch break

Mumford and Sons is caressing my ears at the moment.  I could listen to them forever and ever.

I'm hoping to resolve my ipod issues this evening.  I've been doing some research on the technological process behind transferring music from ipod to computer.  I'll keep you posted...

3 exams and a paper coming up.

Oh and another wedding (but this one promises to be significantly more fun for me, which is totes what matters, right?).

After this coming weekend, I think I'll have had enough wedding hooplah to convince me to elope.  Nothing against joyful nuptials at all!  They're just a tad overwhelming.

Also, I think if everyone that I cared about had a blog, I'd never look at facebook ever again.  Unless I need to check up on a homeboy that one of my friends was considering dating.  That's when I'm glad I've got access to, oh, all their information and interests.  Might as well have submitted their resume with a formal request!

I'm a multifunctional nerd.

Little known fact:  I like doing math/working with numbers.

Now, do I make ridiculous mistakes while doing it?  Yes.  I'm a humanities and social sciences gal, not a math and hard sciences gal.  I'm just not wired to be good at that stuff.  Chemistry and physics?  Shoot me in the face.  Ethnography and theatre?  Loooove it.

But nonetheless, doing math puzzles is a stress reliever.  It's kinda weird.

Roomie just asked for my help figuring out a GPA conundrum.

Four scenarios:  What would GPA be if a) she made a B in this class, b) she made an A in this class, c) she made this a pass/no credit class, and d) she dropped this class and miraculously does better than she expects in this other class.

Did I make about 3 mistakes before arriving at the right answers?  Yes.  But did I get to the answers eventually? Yes. Did I love doing those kind of calculations?  OH yes.  I mean, these 4 answers were a couple of thousandths of points different from one another, but for nerdy folk like us, those minuscule points of points matter.

During finals weeks, I figure out the best and worst case scenarios, class grade- and then GPA- wise.  It's how I de-stress.  Is this normal?  Probably not.  This kind of de-stressing goes with people who are stressed out by zen gardens, love sudoku, and get really competitive when course signup day comes around (I'm cutthroat.  Outa my way).

[Just seeing this stresses me out.  Those lines are not straight!  IT IS DISPLEASING TO THE EYE!  WHERE IS THE ORDER AND STRUCTURE??  OH THE HUMANITY!]


Need a budget plan?  Come find me this time next week.  I'll be prepping for 3 tests and a paper, and I'll be desperate for something to arrange/organize/plan/calculate.

I wish studying and paper-writing were de-stressing for me.  They're quite the opposite, though.  They're distressing.

Oh Lordy

Well, I'm experiencing a backstage look at a big luscious wedding. I've been here for 3.5 hours and it looks like I've got 9 more hours of wedding things before the day is done. My hair is filled to an unreasonable amount with bobbypins, and I'm wearing more makeup than I knew possible. This is not my world, and I consider myself a fairly girly girl. I was just plain and simple not prepared for a day full of these sorts of activities. This is one of those times when I'd really like access to Facebook. Escapist much? Without a doubt.

I'm typing this on my phone, in case there are some weird typos. That's my disclaimer. So tell me, what's the strangest wedding thing that you've ever lived through?

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Social Media Ban - Joyful!

This article about Harrisburg University inspired my digital religion professor to present such an opportunity to us in class.  Would we want to go without any digital social media for 5 days?  No facebook, twitter, myspace, instant messenger, etc...

The whole class responded with a resounding YES! LET'S DO IT!

Ok, maybe we weren't all THAT enthusiastic, but we did all say yes, we'd do it.  Voluntarily.

Which is why, until next Tuesday at 2:00pm, I am not logged in to facebook (pretty much the only social media site that I've ever been into).  This is actually a bigger challenge than it may seem.  Checking facebook has become my default.  I'm currently at work, and it feels weird to not have a facebook tab opened.

I love it.

See, there's not an official block on the sites like Harrisburg U has--I could just hop on facebook now if I wanted to, but that's the thing!  I don't want to!  I really enjoy being free from it!  It's kinda like having a boat-load of homework, but being at work, so you CAN'T do your school work.  It's just not time for that.  You've got other things to do.

(See?? Just now I was one click away from going to facebook.  Not because I want to or because I just oh so desperately desire to get on, but because it's a habit!  Rather than just close my email tab, I always navigate to facebook and then close the tab.  Why?? There's no sense in that. Ugh.)

I'm hoping that these 5 days will break me of those weird procrastination-aids.  I'm hoping I journal more, study better, and work on a dang paper that's due really soon, and maybe study for the 4 exams in my near future.

Meanwhile, I'm listening to Pandora.  Because my ipod is in ICU.  Gotta get it fixed/get a new one soon.  I'm going crazy without music.

Listening to:  Sufjan Stephens, Band of Horses, Iron and Wine, Indigo Girls, Angus and Julia Stone, etc.

Have a lovely weekend :)
ILY

Criminology Catch-22

Crime on campus is going to happen. Some of it will be reported. If the college campus works diligently, as they are told to do, to report every single crime (as per the Clary Act, which you should wiki. Seriously), their crime numbers are quite high, but they're honest, and it speaks to the campus' awareness of crime (which often means they're taking action to improve safety) and the students' ease with reporting crime. If the college just copy/pastes the numbers that the police department says happened in the boundaries of the campus, they're missing so much information (especially if that college likes to "take care" of those problems themselves). And then there's 45% of campuses that report no crime at all (Utopia University?). What the hell does THAT mean? No crime reported? No crime at all?  Really?

My point is this—we look at statistics for crime on campus, and we have no clue what that really means. We see that University of California at Davis has 62 sexual assaults out of 30,000 people, and University of California at San Diego has 2 sexual assaults out of 27,000 people in the same year. Any parent (or student for that matter) would see those numbers and think, "Holy moly! Davis must be FREAKIN DANGEROUS! Um… I like not being sexually harassed, kthanks." But UC Davis has taken the Clary Act seriously and works diligently to try to account for every crime, to respond to it, and to work to help students know where to go to go/who to seek out when these crimes happen. Because of this, yes, their numbers are higher, but boy would I feel safer there (and I've been there—it really does kinda feel like Utopia University) than, say, at UC San Diego which is in a bigger city, and which said there was virtually no crime. They clearly underreported the sexual assault that (sadly) certainly happened.

On the other hand, high numbers could ALSO reflect a more dangerous campus. At least that's what we're trained to think. We're told to trust the statistics, to find comfort in knowing those numbers. Or to find discomfort in it. High sexual assault here, none over here—sounds like a person with half a peanut brain could figure that out. But what if the "none over here" campus is lying through their teeth because they don't want to hurt admission rates. We end up trusting in their made-up crap.
 
So what do we do? How do we tell, then? Guys, you're not going to like this—we can't fully know. There are too many nuances. We may never hear about the time that the quiet girl got harassed by that group of drunk guys. We may never know that 3 people reported the same crime because none of them knew that the others were reporting it. We may never know if that burglary was assault as well, but just reported as an assault or if it was both, and maybe a hate crime on top of it. Crime numbers are crap. They don't give us any real information, like they pretend to do. It's assumption (or a long-nosed lie) playing dress-up as cold, hard fact.

There may be typos.  I was typing this while listening/taking notes.

New Phone (kinda) and Realizations

Well, I gave in.  Despite the fact that my old brick of a phone was still working just fine after 3 years and no problems, I decided it was time to be able to check email on my phone.  And maybe facebook.  And maybe have Google Maps.  And a touchscreen.

It didn't take a full day for that brand new smartphone to stop working.

The touchscreen stopped responding to my touch (so many jokes available here, but this is a family-friendly blog).

So I'm using Old Faithful until I can make it in to the store to get yet another new phone.  If you need a new phone, I'm going to recommend this simple and functional Pantech phone with no Internet, no touchscreen, no bells or whistles.  It's just a phone. 

But ya know what?  It's a phone that works.

Other news of note-- over the past year, God has planted and grown in me a big heart for missions.  I'm planning on going on my first mission trip in January to India.  If you are interested in hearing about this story and/or offering much needed support, PLEASE email me at colemortimer@gmail.com.  I would love to share the process of this trip with you :)  It's truly been a miraculous journey.

Prior to last summer, I had never given the mission field more than a passing thought.  It was never something heavily on my heart.  I didn't know much about it, but I felt that it was something that only over-the-top enthusiastic Christians did.  As my relationship with Christ and my involvement in His community has grown, I've realized just how much I didn't know or understand about missions.

Well (this is the "new realizations" part), I just got back from my church's missions luncheon, where they tell about what's going on in the church, missions-wise (thank you, Captain Obvious).  I am blessed to be a member of a church who encourages and takes such things seriously, but I was discouraged by what looks like a lack of organization.  They seem so understaffed and (thus) overwhelmed by all the requests and lack of structure.  It looks like they're struggling to do their jobs properly because of it!

As I was leaving, I was struck with a thought--what if I am being called to be a missions organizer more than a missionary on the field.  It absolutely employs the ways in which I feel gifted!  My one hangup about organizing this upcoming trip to India has been the lack of help with planning from my church.  I've had visions of what these steps in the process should look like, from signing up to attend a missions meeting, to talking with my awesome connection at Pioneers, to looking up airfare to India, to trying for a year to get my church to get excited with me about this missions opportunity.  Maybe, by using these processes, God's tugging me toward administrative work in missions!

I'm not at all regretting or reconsidering my trip to India.  Quite the opposite!  I'm even MORE excited now that I have a seedling of an idea about what this experience could be fueling!  I think it's incredibly important for the person who's organizing mission trips to know what the missions look like in action. 

Also, please keep in mind that this is a baby seedling of an idea.  I get big ideas a lot, but I almost never share them immediately, because I fear that someone will hold me to it. Which may be the secret behind my superpower. 

But I think part of me wants somebody to hold me accountable to this little idea.  It feels very much like the little idea I had last summer that maybe I could go on a mission trip to India.  :)  I like those little ideas, God.  Point me where you need me.

Music playlist

Music on the link below!

Music To My Ears

But how do I make that into a gadget on my blog??  I want to bless you with the sound of music!

:)

Lists for You

Hey folks :)
Recipes I'm thinking about:

1. Pumpkin pie
2. Grilled eggplant with crab meat and a creamy sauce (inspired by Louisiana Lagniappe in Alabama)
3. Butternut squash spice cake
4. Fall vegetable lasagna
5. Some sort of a homemade soup

Movies that I'd like to see:

1. Lovely, Still
2. Bran Nue Dae (maybe)
3. Jack Goes Boating

Things I'm reading [for school]:

1. Jacques Ellul on the "Betrayal of Technology" (look it up on youtube if you want an exciting brain exercise. Don't worry—there are subtitles)
2. Cultural Criminology: An Invitation AND Cultural Criminology: Unleashed (for those of you interested in questioning The Man and media's perpetuated assumptions about crime)
3. Readings on the Social Animal (social psychology – flipping fascinating)

Things that are really embarrassing:

1. Talking, rather awkwardly, with a classmate, and then ROYALLY inhaling a bucketful of water, thus coughing like mad and having to leave the room (it burns…)
2. Missing an answer to an absurd degree, proving without a doubt that the reading was not read.
3. Not knowing a) how many cylinders in my car b) for certain the year of my car ["I think it's an '04…] and c) how to explain what's wrong with my car any other way but through sound effects ["It's kinda like 'BDRUMBUMBUMBUM…bumbumbum…' Does that make sense?"]

Have a lovely day, you J

Thank you, Pioneer Woman

So after the mid-blog-life crisis the other day, I was so grateful to see this post from the dear Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond.  See below, and love her like I do.

(reposting from http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2010/09/ten-important-things-ive-learned-about-blogging/)

1. Be yourself.

Write in your own voice.

Write as if you’re talking to your sister.

Unless you don’t get along with your sister.

Or don’t have a sister.

2. Blog often.

Whether you write a sixteen-paragraph essay about the cosmic implications of a free market system, a one-paragraph description of what happens to your soul when you walk into your godforsaken laundry room, or a simple photo and caption, consider your blog a precious bloom that requires daily nurturing.

And watering.

If you water a plant once every two weeks, it will shrivel.

Unless that plant is a cactus, and then it would thrive.

And to tell you the truth, I really can’t figure out how a cactus fits into this analogy, so forget I brought it up.

3. Be varied.

Change things up.

Offer a smorgasbord of content.

Unless you’re, say, a fashion blog.

And in that case, you should probably continue to blog about fashion.

But never blog about the same top twice!

4. Exercise more.

Blogging is an insidiously sedentary activity, and if you blog daily you should take steps to markedly increase your daily movement.

Unless that movement involves eating coffee ice cream.

In which case it would be better not to markedly increase your daily movement.

5. Allow your boundaries to set themselves naturally.

Don’t feel like you have to sit down and set rules about what you will and will not blog about from day one. Just blog, and see what feels comfortable for you.

I did that.

I’ve found, over time, that I tend to blog about the same things I’d talk to my sister about.

I’ve also found, over time, that I tend not to blog about things I wouldn’t talk to my sister about.

For example, I don’t blog about hanky panky.

I also don’t talk to my sister about hanky panky. If I did, she’d cover her ears and say, “Okay, gross.”

And you probably would, too.

6. Bring back retro phrases like “hanky panky.”

But only if it feels right to you.

7. Don’t be afraid to embarrass yourself.

On this website, over the course of the past five years, I have burped, performed Britney Spears songs in Ethel Merman’s voice, misspelled words, posted typos, and talked about ways I humiliated myself as both a youngster and an adult.

At times I’ve wondered if maybe the burps were too much.

But they’re a part of me.

At least they were…until they came out of my esophagus.

But you know what I mean.

8. Try your best to spell words correctly and use proper grammar.

You don’t necessarily have to wig out about it.

But do try.

It’s important.

And if one or two of your readers emails you alerting you to a typo, don’t be offended. Thank them profusely and sing praises for the day they were born.

9. If you have writer’s block, push through and blog anyway.

I posted the first chapter of Black Heels on a morning when I woke up with the most raging case of writer’s block, I couldn’t even type my name.

I was sure you’d hate it, but I posted it anyway.

I went on to write forty-plus more chapters.

What if I’d given in to my writer’s block and decided not to blog that day?

I would never have written my Green Acres-meets-War and Peace romance novel.

And my bottom would likely be a little less jiggly.

Please see #4 above.

10. Value every person who takes time out of their day to stop by your blog.

Tell ‘em you love ‘em. Regularly. 

******************************

Guess what :) I love you dearly, sweet reader.

Wildly uncharacteristic of me

It needs to come out, and not via dumb facebook status (because I hate it when people do that).  So here.

If I could transform a cardigan into the person I want to be wearing it
If I could open up my heart and let it all come pouring out
If I could unclog the fear and pride and lay me selflessly bare at your feet
If I could see what you're saying like it was in technicolor rather than Morse code
If I could grow hope and optimism in sweet painted pots
If I could explain what hurts and why
If I could make it all happy
If I could feel less heavy
If I could fix it

I would.

See? It helps!

After blogging only just yesterday about my incredibly daunting list of things to do, I started on several things and knocked one item out altogether.

This is my proof that venting and minor meltdowns actually DO serve functional purposes.

Also, please note that in the event of a raging headache, dull heartache, and utter exhaustion, texting one of your best friends and being encouraged by her to find comfort in Christ is the greatest gift EVER.  It gave me the hope and warmth that I needed to finally rest peacefully.

Oh, and I stinkin love this kitteh.

(sorry for the poor picture quality. Cole needs a new phone. I'm working with this dude:

I know.  It's sad.  No, it doesn't do internet connection.  No, pictures DO NOT look like the one displayed. It was tiny, functional, and free.  When I got it freshman year.  Yes.  I'm a senior.  IT'S STILL TINY, FUNCTIONAL, AND FREE!)

I prefer an oxford comma to no oxford comma.

My "to do" list calls.  As does the grocery store.  Want to grab dinner?  :)

Talk It Out

Ya know how sometimes you just need to exhale words in large quantities to make life feel a little bit less heavy?

That was your warning.

My things to do list is taking over. Big things to do.  Not just "vacuum your room, Cole" --though that is on the list-- but rather things like, "fill out 10 page Pioneers formal application," and, "construct a list of people to send a support letter to, so I can start raising funds for a trip to India that's possibly happening in, oh, 4 months."  Other thing on the list include:

-graduating from college, which means

-muscling through one last semester of papers and exams while retaining some ounce of sanity

-doing lay counseling at my church, which requires being prayerfully and mentally prepared for each session--no exceptions

-planning a mission trip to India so I can answer God's call

-praying feverishly for peace about whatever comes AFTER graduation (please don't ask.  I have no idea.  I'm leaving it in God's capable hands, and that's a trust that doesn't come naturally to me).

I'm one of those people that can get stuff done, but when there's a whole lot of big stuff that is hovering over me, I start to shut down.  I get overwhelmed by the seemingly insurmountable obstacles stopping me up and all I want to do is curl into the fetal position.

Fun fact--not much gets done when one is in the fetal position.

And I don't have to literally be in the fetal position to be doing some really impressive avoiding.  In fact, I can seem to be very high functioning, going through all the daily movements that are necessary.  But often I'm ignoring the bigger, more important things on that "to do" list.  Because thinking about it all feels like too much, and I can't imagine it all getting done with the right amount of attention and care given to each element as is due.

It's a pretty dumb cycle.  It only serves to make me even more behind or pressed for time on those really important things.

Even my writing gets cyclical.

Gets cyclical even my writing.

On a related note...

This is you, folks!  I imagine the 2 from South Korea took a wrong turn, but hey!  They hung out with us long enough to be considered a visitor.

Cuz we're Mississippian (or Texan. Or Canadian) and that means we believe in hospitality.  So welcome, random Spaniard and fellow Danes!  I hope you can read English, because that's the only language we know here in America (save a few awesome individuals, not including my mono-lingual self).

Also, please note that Firefox and Windows are dominating.

Making pizza dough tonight, found on this fabulous site.  I believe I've blogged about such things before, but I didn't include the recipe link!  For shame.  I've remedied that now.  So go have a great evening :)

People Read This Thing??

It kinda blows my mind that people actually read my blog.

It makes me feel like I need to think about why I blog.  And who I blog to.  And what I should be blogging about.  And what my purpose is in life. 

Yall are gonna send me into an existential crisis.

But seriously.  What IS the purpose of this blog?  Originally it was a mix of curiosity, narcissism, procrastination, and a need for one more writing outlet (as though journaling, paper writing for school, and texting well-punctuated messages wasn't enough).  But now it's kinda morphed into something that needs a kind of goal.

Goals are weird.  We're the only things on the planet that have real long-term goals.  Panthers, piranhas, and porpoises don't have long-term goals.  They have short-term ones.  Food, shelter, rest.  Survival in general.  But just for today.  Turtles don't have to worry about the middle one.

Lucky jerks.  NO MONTHLY RENT BILL FOR THEM!  Nooooo....  Evolution built that one right on in for em.

Imagine if someday humans evolve so much that they mighty-morph with camper vans.

But I digress (see?  This is why we need goals).

The goal of this blog....

*fanfare.  trumpets.  tambourines.   flame throwers!! EPIC ANTICIPATION!!!*

...is not quite formed yet.  I know.  You just got real disappointed.  I bet you begrudgingly ripped off your party hat and threw it on the floor in a quiet rage.  No need to be so cruel to your party hat.  It never did anything to hurt you.  Unless the strap was too tight under your chin, which is always such a downer.


I'll keep you posted on the goal thing as it progresses.  Give me ideas!  Maybe I should have categories of posts!  I already have weird tags on my posts, like "classtime blogging" "post due to procrastination" and "poop".  Maybe those should be more coherent?  Maybe not.


Or maaaaaaaaybeee things are just fine the way they are and you're sitting there thinking, "Cole.  Mountain.  Molehill.  Fuhgedaboudit.  Go get fro-yo with your roommie."

And I'm just gonna take that advice and run with it.  Short-term goals like that are WHERE IT'S AT!

Looky What I Can Do!

I just discovered that I can link Word to my blog! That's pretty cool. I get so excited when I discover technical things on my own.

 

Oop my glasses slipped down my nose a bit there. *pushes nerd glasses up nose*

 

So anywho! I think every single person on the face of the planet should take social psychology. But most people won't do it because they think it sounds hard. Um… HELLO! THIS IS HOW OUR BRAINS FUNCTION EVERY DAY! It's just a matter of putting terms in place for things we already know. And being tested on them. And writing papers on them… And reading complicated articles that… explain the… Nevermind.

 

Fun fact, I just linked a sociological concept to Neville in Harry Potter. Intermittent defiance is an act by one with a usual reputation of compliance and team playing. The act of defiance seems random because of the pattern of compliance. Remember when Neville stood up to Harry and told him and Ron not to sneak out and do something dangerous? I think everyone reading that book went, "Neville??" He'd always been such a pushover! What an unlikely choice!

 

Sociology is EVERYWHERE. No. Seriously. It is. I mean, unless people aren't there and have never been there.

 

I hope you're having a lovely day J Start a blog, tell me about it, and write entries during class in Word so you look like you're taking notes!